How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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