Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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