Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
