how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
