I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
