i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize