There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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