how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
