and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
