And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
