I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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