I didn't shave. On purpose
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
