Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize