yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
