some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
from now on my penis is your penis
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
