my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dicks are not precious.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
