i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
