tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i will never coherently bang her
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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