tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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