I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
