I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
