Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your penis caused this!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize