The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
