Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize