Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
