I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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