I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
