Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize