I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
