so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
