that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
