Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My penis needs a shock collar
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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