i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
