I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
