Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
