I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
