Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
