It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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