I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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