Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize