you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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