Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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