I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
