I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
