Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
