Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
