my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
