I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
