i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
