New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and she was petting her beer can
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
