Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
there is glitter all over my balls
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