why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
