Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
