Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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