Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
