Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
