she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
