i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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