What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
