May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
