Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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