I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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