Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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