who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
