Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
