is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
