Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
