it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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