So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
