Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
