woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
