dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
