dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
